Finance502
Cost optimisation
Redundancies, but with a slide deck and a line about 'shaping the organisation for growth'.
"We're entering a cost optimisation phase." Update your CV.
Translation
Layoffs.
Get the job, keep your soul
Corporate interview prep
Interviews are a language test. Here's the vocabulary you'll hear at each stage, what to say back, and the phrases that should make you ask a second question.
Stage by stage: say this, mean that
The recruiter screen
"I'm looking for a role with more ownership."
I want fewer people blocking my work.
"I'd describe myself as commercially minded."
I understand that revenue pays my salary.
"I'm open on comp, within reason."
Tell me the band before I answer.
The hiring manager
"I like operating with ambiguity."
I can work without being told what to do.
"I focus on the big rocks first."
I prioritise and drop the rest.
"I take learnings from things that didn't land."
I can talk about a failure without panicking.
The panel / final stage
"I'd want to align stakeholders early."
I'd get agreement before doing the work.
"I'd look for quick wins in the first 90 days."
I'd do something visible fast.
"How does this team define success in year one?"
What will I actually be judged on?
Questions you'll be asked
- Tell me about a time you influenced without authority.
- Describe a project that failed and what you took from it.
- How do you prioritise when everything is mission critical?
- Give an example of managing a difficult stakeholder.
- How do you handle competing deadlines with limited bandwidth?
- Where do you want to be in three years?
Answer each one with a situation, what you did, and a number. Everything else is filler.
Job-advert red flags
"We're like a family here"
Boundaries are optional.
"We're looking for a self-starter"
Nobody will train you.
"This role has a lot of scope"
Two jobs, one salary.
"We move fast"
Process does not exist.
"We wear many hats"
You will do admin too.
Vocabulary worth knowing first
Read entry
HR / People421
We're like a family here
A statement about pay, presented as a statement about warmth.
"Base is under market, but we're like a family here."
Translation
The salary is the perk you don't get.
Tech412
Circle back
To postpone a decision indefinitely while sounding collaborative about it.
"Great question — let's circle back on that after the sprint."
Translation
I have no answer and hope you forget you asked.
Tech388
Tech debt
The pile of shortcuts holding the product together, spoken of like a mortgage nobody intends to pay.
"We'll tackle tech debt next quarter" — said every quarter since 2019.
Translation
The code works and nobody knows why.
Banking361
Deck monkey
An analyst whose life's work is aligning boxes on slide 34 at 3am for a meeting that gets cancelled.
"Two years a deck monkey and I dream in Arial 9pt."
Translation
Junior banker.
Tech356
Quick sync
A 15-minute meeting that reliably consumes 47 minutes and produces one action item assigned to nobody.
"Popping a quick sync in for 4:45pm on Friday."
Translation
I refuse to write this down.