Marketing288
Thought leadership
Writing an obvious observation in an authoritative tone and posting it as three short paragraphs.
"The CEO wants more thought leadership on LinkedIn."
Translation
Opinions with a logo attached.
Section
Marketing
Brand voice, funnels and vibes-led strategy.
42 entries
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Marketing221
Brand voice
A 60-page document explaining why the company uses lowercase and refuses to say 'sorry'.
"That copy is off brand voice — we're playful but never silly."
Translation
Rules about adjectives.
Marketing193
Top of funnel
Activity that cannot be measured, defended cheerfully as 'building awareness'.
"It's a top-of-funnel play" — the budget equivalent of a shrug.
Translation
We can't attribute this.
Marketing176
Growth hack
A tactic that worked once, for someone else, in 2016.
"I've got a growth hack: what if we did a giveaway?"
Translation
Marketing, but urgent.
To leverage
A highly versatile verb used to avoid saying the word 'use', thereby making a mundane administrative task sound like physics.
"We need to leverage our existing brand assets to drive deeper organic engagement."
Translation
We are going to send another newsletter.
Over-index
To devote an irrational amount of strategy and budget to an incredibly niche demographic because a single spreadsheet cell turned a slightly darker shade of green.
"We really need to over-index on left-handed artisanal bakers in the mid-Suffolk region this autumn."
Translation
"I have found a tiny, meaningless pattern in the data and I am going to build my entire quarterly review around it."
Thought starter
A collection of vague ideas and unverified statistics designed to initiate a conversation because nobody has done any actual work yet.
"I’ve put together a quick thought starter deck ahead of our branding workshop tomorrow."
Translation
Here is a slide containing three rhetorical questions and a picture of a mountain.
Customer-centric
A philosophy prioritizing the needs of the consumer, typically deployed right before raising subscription fees or removing the customer helpline.
"We need to ensure our new automated refund refusal process is entirely customer-centric."
Translation
We will pretend to care about you until you have paid.
To evangelise
To preach the merits of a minor software update or a new timesheet system with the zealous intensity of a nineteenth-century missionary.
"We need Sarah to evangelise our new internal communication guidelines."
Translation
Force everyone to pretend they care about this.
Customer journey
A highly optimistic, multi-coloured flowchart depicting a series of logical steps a consumer takes, entirely ignoring the reality that they usually just click the wrong button and close the tab.
"We need to map the customer journey to understand where we are losing them in the checkout funnel."
Translation
A map of how we hope people buy our things, drawn by someone who has never met a person.
Brand storytelling
The delicate art of casting a multinational conglomerate as a whimsical, ethically motivated protagonist in a narrative about selling mid-tier goods.
"We need to elevate our brand storytelling to connect with consumers on a deeper emotional level."
Translation
We are trying to make a credit card sound like a spiritual journey.
Snackable content
Information that has been so aggressively simplified and stripped of nuance that it can be digested by someone with the attention span of a startled goldfish.
"We need some highly snackable content for the LinkedIn campaign to drive engagement."
Translation
"Write something so incredibly brief that nobody has to think."
Paradigm Shift
Any minor change, described as historic.
"This is a paradigm shift for the sector."
Translation
We changed the pricing page.
Unpack
To dissect a remarkably simple concept into increasingly complex, jargon-heavy sub-components until all original meaning is lost.
"There’s a lot of useful feedback in that two-word email, so let’s unpack it on Monday."
Translation
We are going to overanalyse a minor complaint until it feels like a tragedy.
Dark social
The untraceable sharing of content via private channels, usually consisting of employees messaging each other to ask if the company's new campaign is as embarrassing as they think it is.
Our latest promotional video is getting a lot of traction on dark social, though mostly via encrypted WhatsApp chats.
Translation
People are mocking our brand in private group chats where our tracking pixels cannot find them.
To amplify
The act of taking a piece of moderately dull content and spending excessive amounts of money to ensure it is ignored by a much wider audience.
"We really need to amplify this press release about our new carbon-neutral office recycling bins."
Translation
"Please pay LinkedIn to show this to bots."
Best-In-Class
A claim of superiority in a class that is never defined.
"Our best-in-class onboarding experience."
Translation
It works most of the time.
To greenwash
The delicate art of redesigning a corporate logo with a soft leaf motif to divert attention from the fact that the company’s main export is non-recyclable plastic.
"If we sponsor a local beach clean-up with a catchy hashtag, we can successfully greenwash our Q4 distribution metrics."
Translation
"We bought a handful of carbon offsets from an unmonitored woodland in Devon to ease our collective guilt."
Surprise and delight
The strategic deployment of minor, low-cost gestures intended to distract consumers from systematic failures in product quality.
"Let’s surprise and delight our premium users by sending them a branded tote bag."
Translation
Distract them with merchandise before they notice the price increase.
Content pillar
A single, moderately interesting piece of writing that is aggressively chopped up, repackaged, and posted across social media until everyone is thoroughly sick of it.
"Let's treat this whitepaper as our core content pillar for the next quarter."
Translation
"We have absolutely nothing else to say, so we are going to say this six times."
Call to action
An aggressively bright button designed to startle a website visitor into spending money before their rational mind intervenes.
"We need a stronger call to action on the landing page, perhaps a blinking green button."
Translation
"Click here to give us money."
Pain points
The specific inconveniences experienced by consumers, which are meticulously mapped so that they can be aggravated by advertising and relieved for a fee.
"We really need to press on the user's pain points in the next email campaign."
Translation
Things that annoy people, which we can monetize.
Evergreen
Content that never expires because it never said anything specific.
"It's an evergreen piece."
Translation
Vague on purpose.
Vanity metric
A statistical graph that climbs beautifully upwards, carefully chosen to distract stakeholders from the fact that actual sales are flat.
"Our brand engagement is up four hundred percent, which is a fantastic vanity metric to show the board."
Translation
"People are looking at us, though we have no idea why."
Hero asset
A single, highly polished piece of promotional content designed to anchor a campaign, destined to be carved up into short, ignored social media clips.
"Once the hero asset is signed off, we can begin the atomisation process."
Translation
We spent eighty percent of the budget on a two-minute video that will be watched in full by exactly four people.
Always-on
A relentless, automated marketing state designed to ensure the consumer never experiences a single moment of quiet contemplation without thinking of a mid-tier software product.
Our always-on strategy will keep us in the conversation throughout the entire consumer lifecycle.
Translation
We are going to email them every Tuesday until they die or unsubscribe.
Idea Shower
A brainstorm, renamed by someone who thought that was better.
"Fancy a quick idea shower?"
Translation
An unstructured meeting.
Touchpoint
Any fleeting moment of interaction between a customer and a brand, usually designed to be as inescapable and persistent as humanly possible.
"We need to optimize every single customer touchpoint across the digital journey."
Translation
"We must find new and creative ways to spam them."
Brand activation
The process of making a brand known to the public, usually involving an expensive physical stunt or handing out branded pens that cease working immediately.
"We need a physical brand activation in East London to really drive engagement with Gen Z."
Translation
"We are paying £50,000 to rent an empty shop for three days to hand out lukewarm oat milk."
Above the fold
The precious top section of a webpage designed to capture the user's attention before they inevitably get bored and close the tab.
"We must ensure our core message is above the fold, ideally directly underneath the three cookie consent banners."
Translation
Assume our target audience has the attention span of a startled goldfish.
Omnichannel
A seamless, integrated brand experience that ensures a prospective customer is targeted across every digital and physical medium they interact with.
"Our new omnichannel strategy means the user will see our display ads whether they are checking their emails, scrolling social media, or walking past a digital bus stop."
Translation
We will hound you across every screen you own until you buy our product or die.
Nurture
The systematic process of repeatedly emailing an unresponsive prospect until they either buy something or block your domain.
"We need to nurture these lukewarm leads from last month's webinar."
Translation
"We are going to spam them until they capitulate."
Colleague advocacy
The polite conscription of staff members into an unpaid digital marketing army, tasked with liking and sharing corporate updates they would otherwise scroll past in horror.
"We really need to leverage colleague advocacy to get this product launch post trending on LinkedIn."
Translation
"Please repost this picture of our new regional distribution warehouse so we do not have to pay for advertising."
Social proof
The practice of reassuring hesitant customers by showing them that other, equally confused people have already bought the product.
"Let's weave some social proof into the landing page to build immediate trust."
Translation
"Put a quote from Jeff in logistics on the homepage and pretend he is an external enterprise partner."
Massage the copy
The process of repeatedly editing a straightforward sentence until it is entirely devoid of meaning, clarity, and grammatical structure, yet highly pleasing to the legal department.
"Let's massage the copy on the landing page to make it sound more aspirational."
Translation
Let's replace all the clear verbs with vague nouns so we can't be held to any of these promises.
Brand equity
An invisible financial asset representing the goodwill of consumers, frequently cited to explain why a massive drop in actual sales is actually a victory.
"While sales have dipped this quarter, our latest experiential campaign has significantly increased our long-term brand equity."
Translation
We spent the budget on a very expensive launch party.
Ideate
To generate ideas, usually in a structured brainstorming setting.
"Let's ideate on this."
Translation
Think, but with a worse word for it.
Blue Sky Thinking
Brainstorming without constraints, before practicality gets applied.
"Some blue sky thinking, team."
Translation
Say anything. We will ignore all of it.
White Space
An unaddressed opportunity or gap in the market that no one is currently serving.
"There's white space here."
Translation
Nobody wants it, but maybe they will.
Value Proposition
The specific benefit or reason a customer should choose a product or service.
"What's the value proposition?"
Translation
Why would anyone actually buy this?
Table Stakes
The minimum requirements needed just to be considered competitive — not a differentiator, just an entry fee.
"That's table stakes now."
Translation
Everyone has it. Well done, you too.
Run It Up the Flagpole
To float an idea to see how leadership or the wider group reacts to it.
"Run it up the flagpole."
Translation
Let someone else be blamed for it first.