Consulting236
Boil the ocean
To attempt something enormous and vague, usually by week two of an engagement.
"Let's not boil the ocean — phase one is a maturity assessment."
Translation
Scope creep with a metaphor.
Section
Consulting
Frameworks for frameworks. Billable.
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Consulting197
Day rate
A number so large it must be spoken quickly and immediately followed by the word 'value'.
"On our day rate, that workshop is an investment."
Translation
Please don't do the maths.
Consulting158
North star
A single guiding metric, chosen after four workshops, changed in six weeks.
"Our north star this year is customer obsession." That's not a metric.
Translation
This quarter's slogan.
Stakeholder
Anyone with an opinion and enough seniority to delay you.
"We have a lot of stakeholders on this."
Translation
Too many people can say no.
Good Question
A stalling phrase used while inventing an answer.
"Good question — let me come back to you."
Translation
I do not know.
Workstream
A self-contained parcel of tasks assigned to a specific group, designed to ensure that if a project fails, the blame can be accurately localised.
"We need to establish a dedicated workstream to look into the feasibility of the new seating plan."
Translation
A separate meeting about a meeting.
Next steps
A list of minor administrative chores compiled at the end of an inconclusive meeting to create a temporary illusion of progress.
"Before we wrap up, let's make sure we've captured the key next steps so we don't lose this great energy."
Translation
"We have reached no decisions, but if I assign you a spreadsheet task, we can all go home."
To bubble up
To escalate an issue or piece of information through the corporate ranks, ensuring it is sufficiently diluted by the time it reaches someone with the power to make a decision.
Let's bubble this feedback up to the steering committee to see what they think.
Translation
I want to pretend I am doing something with your complaint without actually having to resolve it.
Air cover
Strategic endorsement from a senior partner designed to shield a project team from client fury, usually deployed when the deliverables are exceptionally thin.
"We'll need some air cover from the partner before we present these slides to the board."
Translation
"Please tell them we aren't entirely useless."
Change management
The delicate art of convincing employees that a massive disruption to their working lives is actually an exciting opportunity for personal growth.
"We need a robust change management strategy to help the team transition to the hot-desking model."
Translation
"We are taking away their desks, and they are going to be absolutely furious."
Keep me honest
A request for gentle peer review, issued in the secure knowledge that no one will dare point out your glaring errors in public.
"Here are the high-level estimates, but Sarah, please keep me honest on the actual delivery dates."
Translation
"Do not embarrass me."
Learnings
Lessons, with a plural that makes failures sound productive.
"Lots of great learnings from that launch."
Translation
It went badly.
Peel the onion
The systematic disassembly of a complex business problem, layer by painful layer, until everyone involved is crying.
"Let's peel the onion on this operating model to see where the inefficiencies lie."
Translation
Let's prolong this meeting by asking increasingly pedantic questions.
Land the plane
The act of bringing a sprawling, directionless discussion to an abrupt conclusion, usually out of sheer mental exhaustion rather than genuine consensus.
"We’ve been debating the colour palette of the appendix for three hours, so let's try to land the plane."
Translation
Please stop talking so we can all go home.
Core competency
The unique capability that supposedly distinguishes an organisation from its competitors, usually discovered and defined moments before the department responsible for it is outsourced.
"We need to focus on our core competency and let our offshore partners handle the operational delivery."
Translation
We are going to stop doing the thing we are good at because it is expensive.
Deliverable
A document produced to prove that time was spent.
"The deliverable is a 40-slide deck."
Translation
A PDF nobody reads.
Change agent
A highly paid external advisor brought in to recommend the exact structural redundancies the CEO has already decided upon, thereby absorbing the collective wrath of the workforce.
"We’ve brought in an independent change agent to help us navigate this exciting transition."
Translation
"We need a human shield for the upcoming layoffs."
In-flight
A term used to describe a project that is already underway, usually to excuse the fact that it is over budget, behind schedule, and too late to stop.
"We can't change the scope now, Sarah, the project is already in-flight."
Translation
We are hurtling towards a cliff and cannot turn around.
In my wheelhouse
A maritime metaphor used to denote a specific area of professional competence, almost exclusively deployed to politely decline any work that falls outside of it.
"Creating spreadsheet models is very much in my wheelhouse, but resolving conflict between senior partners is not."
Translation
I do not want to do that task.
Sanity check
A brief pause in a chaotic project to confirm that everyone is still participating in the same collective delusion.
"Before we present this 200-slide deck to the board, let's just do a quick sanity check on the numbers."
Translation
Let's make sure our lies are coordinated.
Socialise
To show an idea around privately until nobody can object publicly.
"Let's socialise the deck with leadership."
Translation
Lobby people in advance.
Action item
A chore assigned to an unsuspecting meeting attendee, carefully phrased to sound like an exciting personal development opportunity.
"Sarah, I've noted down updating the master tracker as an action item for you."
Translation
You have just been given more work.
Meat on the bones
The process of adding elaborate details, charts, and speculative timelines to a completely unproven idea to make it look like a viable plan.
"It's a solid strategy, we just need to put some meat on the bones before the client steering committee meets on Friday."
Translation
We need to invent some plausible-looking data to fill the slides.
Cross-Functional
Involving several teams, which means nobody is accountable.
"It's a cross-functional initiative."
Translation
Six teams, zero owners.
Directionally correct
A comforting mathematical term used to describe a calculation that is fundamentally incorrect, but wrong in a direction that pleases the client.
"The market sizing slide is directionally correct, even if we missed the decimal point."
Translation
The numbers are made up, but the graph goes upwards.
Piggyback
The act of repeating a colleague's excellent idea in slightly different words to ensure you receive half the credit for none of the cognitive effort.
"Just to piggyback on what Sarah was saying about cost reduction, I also think we should spend less money."
Translation
"I have contributed nothing to this project, but I am physically present in the room."
Align On That
To hold a further meeting so that everyone can pretend they agreed all along.
"Let's align on that before we socialise it wider."
Translation
We disagree and will meet again about it.
Finger in the air
An estimation technique involving no actual mathematics, designed to satisfy a client's urgent demand for a number.
Let's just do a quick finger in the air calculation to see if the project is viable.
Translation
I have completely made this figure up.
Parking Lot
Where inconvenient topics go to be quietly abandoned.
"Let's put that in the parking lot."
Translation
Never mentioned again.
To sense-check
The act of asking a colleague to review a piece of work to ensure it does not contain errors so glaringly obvious they could end careers.
"Could you just run your eyes over this deck to sense-check the numbers before we send it to the board?"
Translation
Please tell me I haven't accidentally predicted a four hundred percent loss.
Dry run
A dress rehearsal for a presentation where senior colleagues pretend to be difficult clients, a role they slip into with alarming ease.
"Let's assemble in Room 4 for a quick dry run of the pitch slides before tomorrow."
Translation
Let's spend three hours arguing about the shade of blue on slide twelve.
Low-hanging fruit
Tasks so outrageously simple that even a team of highly paid external advisors can complete them without risking their reputation.
"Let's grab the low-hanging fruit first to build some early momentum with the board."
Translation
"Let's do the easiest possible thing so we can pretend we've achieved something."
Desk research
The highly billed analytical process of typing three words into a search engine and copy-pasting the resulting diagrams into a client slide deck.
We've conducted some rigorous desk research to validate our initial hypotheses.
Translation
We spent twenty minutes on Google and the top result agreed with us.
Big Rocks
The important priorities, named after a productivity metaphor involving a jar.
"Let's get the big rocks in first."
Translation
The things we will still not finish.
Warm introduction
A collaborative networking request where a colleague is asked to leverage their hard-earned professional capital to facilitate a meeting with a high-value contact.
"Could I get a warm introduction to the Head of Operations at Barclays? I'm sure they'd love our slide deck."
Translation
Please let me burn one of your personal favours so I can pitch to someone who doesn't want to talk to me.
Granular
The act of examining a business problem at a level of detail so microscopic that everyone in the room loses the will to live.
"We need to get really granular on the third-quarter stationery expenditure."
Translation
"Let's waste three hours arguing about paperclips."
Synthesise
The act of condensing several clear, understandable thoughts into a single, dense paragraph of pure corporate jargon.
"If we can synthesise these client insights, we'll have a stronger narrative."
Translation
Let's make this sound complicated so we look clever.
Operationalise
To make a slide into somebody else's daily job.
"We need to operationalise the strategy."
Translation
You do the actual work.
Touch base
A brief, supposedly informal interaction designed to verify that you are still breathing and actively engaged in your assigned tasks.
"Just wanted to touch base before the client meeting to see where we are with the slides."
Translation
"I am monitoring you."
Cross-pollinate
The practice of forcing two entirely unrelated departments into a meeting room in the vague hope that their proximity will spontaneously generate a profitable idea.
"We need to cross-pollinate the compliance team with our creative designers to see what sparks fly."
Translation
"Neither team has any idea what the other does, but it makes the calendar look busy."
On the bench
A nerve-wracking state of unbilled limbo where one must appear intensely industrious to avoid being noticed by human resources.
"I’m currently on the bench, so I have plenty of capacity to help format your slide deck."
Translation
I am one empty calendar week away from redundancy.
SME
A designated colleague who possesses the singular misfortune of understanding how an archaic, critical business system actually works.
"We need to loop in an SME to explain why the billing system only works on Tuesdays."
Translation
The only person left who knows the password.
Strawman
A deliberately flawed proposal presented to a committee to give them the satisfying illusion of having contributed by tearing it apart.
"I've put together a quick strawman for the operating model, so feel free to poke holes in it."
Translation
"Please validate my existence by correcting my deliberate mistakes rather than finding my real ones."
To pressure-test
To subject a fragile and highly optimistic business strategy to the mildest of questioning until it inevitably collapses under its own logical inconsistencies.
"I'd like to pressure-test your proposed timeline before we present it to the board."
Translation
I am about to point out that your spreadsheet has completely ignored the existence of weekends.
Pre-read
A dense multi-page document distributed shortly before a meeting, designed to give the illusion of preparation while ensuring everyone arrives equally uninformed.
"I’ve attached a short pre-read so we can hit the ground running tomorrow."
Translation
"I spent all night on these slides, and I need to pretend somebody has looked at them."
To goldplate
The act of adding highly polished, completely unnecessary features to a project long after the client's actual requirements have been fully satisfied.
"I know they only asked for a simple feedback form, but if we goldplate the reporting dashboard with 3D charts, we can justify another month of consulting fees."
Translation
To keep working on something until we have depleted the client's remaining budget.
Placemat
A single PowerPoint slide crammed with so much microscopic text and nested diagrams that it could physically double as a table setting.
"I’ve put together a quick placemat of the entire digital transformation strategy for the board."
Translation
I have compressed three months of work into an unreadable eye-strain hazard.
MECE
A framework for categorization designed to ensure there are no gaps and no overlaps, usually resulting in a taxonomy so rigid it defies the reality of human behavior.
"Let's make sure our restructuring pillars are entirely MECE before we present to the steering committee."
Translation
"I have put everything into tidy boxes, and I would appreciate it if you did not complicate things with facts."
Pre-meeting
A preliminary gathering convened to agree on what everyone will pretend to think during the actual meeting.
"Let’s have a quick pre-meeting tomorrow to make sure we're aligned before we speak to the client."
Translation
"We need to rehearse our nodding so we look like we know what we're doing."
Solutioning
The creative act of designing incredibly elaborate answers to problems that the client did not know they had and which do not actually exist.
"Before we present to the board, we need to spend some time solutioning their synergy deficits."
Translation
"Let's draw some extremely complicated diagrams on a whiteboard to justify our invoice."
Level Set
To make sure everyone has the same baseline understanding before proceeding.
"Quick level set before we start."
Translation
Half the room has no idea why they are here.
In the Weeds
Overly focused on small details at the expense of the bigger picture.
"We're in the weeds."
Translation
Stop talking about the spreadsheet.
Hard Stop
A meeting end time that cannot be moved, usually because of a following commitment.
"I have a hard stop at four."
Translation
I am leaving at four regardless of you.
Going Forward
From this point onward — often used to signal a change in approach without explaining why the old one failed.
"Going forward, we'll do it differently."
Translation
We are not discussing what just happened.
Get the Ball Rolling
To start a process or project moving.
"Let's get the ball rolling."
Translation
Somebody do the first bit.
Deep-Dive Workshop
A longer, more structured version of a deep dive, often with external facilitation.
"Booking a deep-dive workshop."
Translation
A full day, a whiteboard, and sandwiches.
Circle the Wagons
To pull together defensively, usually in response to criticism or a crisis.
"Time to circle the wagons."
Translation
Say nothing to anyone outside this room.
Bottleneck
The specific step or person slowing down an entire process.
"Legal is the bottleneck."
Translation
It is a person and everyone knows who.
Ask
Used as a noun instead of a verb — "what's the ask here?" means "what are you actually requesting."
"What's the ask?"
Translation
Tell me what you want before I lose interest.
Actionable
Specific enough to actually be acted on, as opposed to vague feedback or ideas.
"Is that actionable?"
Translation
Please say something I can put on a slide.
Take This Offline
A request to move a conversation out of the main meeting and into a smaller one.
"Let's take this offline."
Translation
You two argue about it elsewhere.
Rightsize the Ask
To scale down a request to something more realistic or achievable.
"Let's rightsize the ask."
Translation
We cannot afford what you wanted.