The art of surrounding a disastrous set of figures with enough historic, macroeconomic, and meteorological excuses until they resemble a minor victory.
What they actually mean
If you ignore the data, we did brilliantly.
Heard in the wild
If we contextualise the Q3 churn rate, we actually performed rather well.
A utopian future landscape where all corporate processes run flawlessly, designed to distract the client from the burning wreck of their current operations.
"Once we migrate to the cloud, our to-be state will feature seamless, automated real-time reporting."
Translation
A fictional scenario we will charge you seven figures to draw on a PowerPoint slide.
The systematic dissemination of information down the corporate hierarchy, ensuring it becomes progressively more diluted and less comprehensible at each level.
"I'll cascade the minutes from the executive steering committee to the wider project team."
Translation
"I am forwarding a ninety-page PDF I haven't read to people who won't read it."
An esteemed colleague of equal or greater seniority whom you enlist to co-sign an untested theory, effectively halving your professional liability if things go wrong.
"I'd love to use you as a thought partner on this slide deck before we present to the board."
Translation
"Please share the blame for this."