Bandwidth
A person's remaining capacity, described as if they were a broadband router.
What they actually mean
I am busy and would rather not.
Heard in the wild
"I don't have the bandwidth for another workstream."
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Tech66
Bikeshedding
The therapeutic practice of spending three hours debating a completely trivial detail to avoid addressing the fact that the core system does not actually function.
"Let's not get caught bikeshedding the hex code for the cancel button while the main database is actively melting down."
Translation
"I do not understand the underlying software architecture, but I do have very strong feelings about pastel shades."
Tech52
User story
An optimistic, single-sentence fairy tale about how an imaginary person intends to use a software feature, written to avoid having to produce actual technical specifications.
"I've drafted the user stories for the new dashboard, so we are ready to build."
Translation
I have summarized three months of complex engineering work into 'As a user, I want a button'.
Tech44
To architect
To design a software system with such magnificent complexity that its eventual failure can be blamed entirely on the laws of physics.
"If we architect this cloud infrastructure correctly, it should require an entire team of certified engineers just to keep the landing page online."
Translation
To overcomplicate a simple task to ensure permanent job security.