The practice of running hypothetical, catastrophic market scenarios to prove a portfolio's resilience, usually conducted right before a completely unpredicted crisis renders it useless.
What they actually mean
Applying mathematical reassurance to a fundamentally unpredictable future.
Heard in the wild
"We ran a comprehensive stress-test on our balance sheet, and we are perfectly safe unless the interest rates change, which they won't."
Squeezing every ounce of utility out of existing machinery, software, or human capital until they experience a total and catastrophic system collapse.
"Rather than hiring a new analyst, we're going to focus on sweating the assets we already have in place."
Translation
"We are going to work you until you cry, because we don't have the budget for a replacement."
The corporate finance tactic of releasing every single piece of bad news in one devastating announcement, typically deployed by an incoming director to ensure their predecessor takes all the blame.
"Let's kitchen-sink the Q3 results so we can start with a clean slate next year."
Translation
Dump all our failures into today's press release.
A gentle, calming term used to describe a financial performance that has flatlined, designed to prevent panic among investors who prefer their disappointment delivered gradually.
While we faced some regional headwinds, our muted growth reflects the stable nature of our market.
Translation
We did not make any money, and we have no idea how we made it last year either.